What hurts the most
by VeNgEaNcE.oF.rAiN
Summary: SongFic. He knew that not seeing that loving him was what he was trying to do would be the most idiotic thing that happened to him.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did, the Naruto world would be tossed into chaos... :P

Claimer: I own Naruto, the edible one. XD

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Hi! I want to dedicate this story to all those sharing the same birthday as me and my 'bro'! 6th and 7th February! Happy Birthday! It is named after the song called What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts. Enjoy!

Summary:

-SongFic- He knew that not seeing that loving him was what he was trying to do would be the most idiotic thing that happened to him.

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**What hurts the most**

A well-built figure glanced out of his window.

The rain was beating against it with a particular melody. He was always forced to ponder why the weather matched his every emotion at the right time. When he's cheerful and glee, the weather would be bright and sunny. When he's gloomy and depressed, it always rained. This time, heavily… But it didn't matter, nothing ever did… For now.

His work at that very moment was thrown out of his mind. And all he could think of is someone… Someone that made his heart melt.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

_That don't bother me_

He flashed back on his genin days with his precious ones. And he thought, 'Everyone has changed…' True: Sakura and Ino snapped out of their Sasuke craze; Shino, Neji, Hinata and all other quiet ones have began speaking up; Shikamaru is more hardworking than he was 3 years ago; Lee is more 'youthful'; Tenten became more womanly; Kiba became more reliable; Not forgetting himself… He thought that he had changed more than others, if not the most. He had grown more mature, less obnoxious and more silent. He felt that he had been bottling up his feelings, emotions, and on the surface, becoming more expressionless… More and more like a robot controlled by a remote waiting for the batteries to run out. Waiting for his life to slowly fade away…

A lone tear tumbled down his whiskered cheek. Soon under the tender moonlight others followed… Painstakingly slow, they chipped off his carefree character drop by drop. All he wished to do was to let the well-kept tears out once in a while.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

Even if it had been two and a half years going on without him, it took a death toll on his heart. Every time just the thought of him drove the blonde crazy, just the thought of bringing his best friend back brought the blonde to tears. It's not just upsetting. It's depressing, distressing, disturbing. And every single day of those two and a half years, that makes more than 912 days just pretending with that goofy smile that everything was alright. That's right… Everything _was_ alright…

_Even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok_

_But that's not what gets me_

That feeling of a hand gripping onto your heart and when it is hurting can never be erased from Naruto's mind. It hurts, it aches, it could not be comprehended. The recent encounter raised his level of awareness that the unknown source of this feeling was him.

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

His azure eyes could only stare at the slim body-outline of his best pal. He opened his mouth but some many words were still stuck within his throat. He could say nothing at all… Nothing but his name. A flashback flooded into his mind. The flashback in which he lied on the ground and watch him walk away helplessly.

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

When Sasuke first greeted him in that 'reunion', he wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. That feeling of warmth, the sense of longing surfaced. What was it..?

_And never knowing_

_What could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was tryin' to do_

While being on his training leave with Jiraiya, Naruto had explored most of the world. And anywhere he went the pain of losing him is so great that it was suffocating. Still he endured through everything, he reassured himself that he would bring the stoic boy back.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' It

Everyday in the past he was seen with his trademark smile. Now he knew he would never be truly happy if he couldn't fulfill his goal for the moment. He knew that he couldn't even be able to force a smile in front of all his friends, let alone when he's by himself.

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

_Still Harder_

Rising from his table, he dragged himself to his closet to get his orange and black jumpsuit. He zipped up his jumpsuit and stared at himself in the mirror. He wanted so much to just smash the mirror, screw this already screwed-up life… The life that is full of regrets. If only he knew... If only…

_Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret_

_But I know if I could do it over_

That 'reunion' was filled with emotions and silence. Unspoken words that got caught in between the stages of forming and being formed. He would give anything to just deliver them to him. Just to let him know.

_I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart_

_That I left unspoken_

Sometimes Naruto thinks that his depth perception might have gone haywire. The wound inflicted in his heart by none other than yours truly Sasuke is so deep that he was becoming numb. Being so close, skin in contact, yet he couldn't say one screwed-up word. He hated himself for being so weak. So weak as to once again let Sasuke's silhouette disappeared into the thin horizon.

_What hurts the most_

_Is being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

He would never know that he had loved him more than a friend, a brother… He would never see how that loving him was so painstaking and what that he was trying to do.

_And never knowing_

_What could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was trying to do_

His thumb wiped across Sasuke's face in his team 7 photo. The heart clenching feeling started to bubble up in his chest. His tanned hand moved ever so quickly gripping onto the fabric of his jumpsuit right above his heart. It hurts too much.

_What hurts the most_

_Is being so close_

The dried up tears on his face were moistened by new ones. Every moment of just thinking about how he end up letting the other slip from his grasp, he falls on his knees as if he were so emotionally weak girl. Every minute of just thinking about how he was unable to convey all his pent-up thoughts and bottled-up emotions to the other, more tears gushed out of his eyes.

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowing_

_What could have been_

He hated it with passion. Naruto hated the way the 'love' he was developing for Sasuke with fiery passion. And he hated the person with blistering enthusiasm. However, he could never be able to help himself. He was falling helplessly in love…

_And not seeing that loving you_

_Is what I was trying to do_

He knew that not seeing that loving him was what he was trying to do would be the most idiotic thing that happened to him.

_Not seeing that loving you_

_That's what I was trying to do

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Author's note:_

Hi! My bro's birthday is on 6th February and mine is on 7th February. He's not my real brother but I treat him like one! Haha Happy birthday Xunhao! And Happy birthday to all those who are sharing the same birthday as us:P


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